S T R U G G L I N G.... like big time.

I am really struggling..... like big time. Not just with the challenge, but with life. I can't remember being this blue since college. I am not sure if part of it is from the surgery, it was neuro-surgery. I have a follow up appointment with my internist on Wednesday. Yesterday I started to have panic attacks. I could not breathe. If you are reading this and have ever had this, please let me know. It is super scary. I have been crying a lot. I hope this phase ends soon. It is hard.

I started physical therapy on Wednesday. I really like the therapists and his staff. Movement and action are going to help. I can also start riding the stationary bike for up to 30 minutes a day. That will help. I swear, I can't get my energy back. Nothing seems positive.

Adam and I leave for Las Vegas tomorrow for his first gymnastics meet this season. It makes me even more anxious. Like, ugh. Earlier today I seriously wasn't sure how I was going to get myself together to get there. But I packed, did some laundry and got stuff together. I am going to really try to make the most of it. My time with Adam at home with me is so limited at this point, I need to enjoy. I cried even more today because Adam texted me and told me that he can tell that I am sad and that makes him sad. I do not want to burden him. Ugh. Please, please, please make this feeling go away.